Sorry. I hadn't read all your posts above. So this is all because you think you are worthless.

I don't believe that. Again I will say you need to get honest. If a person keeps smoking cigarettes, it's not because they think they are worthless and deserve to die of lung cancer. It's because they have gotten into a habit, and habits are hard to break. Doing something that is hard takes a lot of effort in the beginning. You want to follow the path of least resistance and just let whatever will happen happen.

Having a good life takes a whole lot of effort. Make a little effort now, and it will get easier. Stop all contact with him. He's a jerk, and you know that.

Why he does what he does is a mystery that you don't need to figure out.

Self-esteem will only grow inside of you after you start making better decisions. Self-esteem has to be earned.