Social anxiety sucks, and life is hard, but there is no other option but to fight our fight the best we can until the end. I've thought about that a lot.

It seems that you still have some negative thinking patterns. I understand where they come from, but they aren't helpful for you. Are you doing anything regarding your social anxiety? and do you have depression as well (depression usually goes side-by-side with social anxiety because of the isolation and loneliness)?

Hope you'll feel better soon, and things begin to change in your life, regardless of what comes first (it can go both ways).