It literally dawned on me tonight that I have lived with anxiety, constantly, for my entire adult life. From the time I was 18 and had my first onset of depression until this very day, I have been struggling a losing battle with anxiety. It's anxiety about the big stuff. I love my wife of 36 years, for example, but it has never, ever been easy. I averaged around 18 months per job for thirty years, and it was all all fraught with anxiety. I've been at my job now for five years, but I worry about my job security every day. I also worry deeply about whether or not I am in the right field at all -- something that would be difficult to change at 58. My greatest anxiety right now is the health and well-being of my three daughters and their five children. Not one of them is doing great right now, and I am obsessive about the safety of my grandchildren, one of whom may be autistic.

These things may not seem to serious to you, which is ok. The point is though, that they are serious to me, and have weighed me down for decades.

I'm not complaining. I've been fairly stable for a few years now, have a well-paying job, and a good marriage. I just wanted to share my realization that I've been suffering from anxiety the whole time, and I'm sure it has taken a toll on me. I dream about having the kind of life where you can actually be happy and take a few things, like your job, for granted. And then relax and enjoy it.