Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
If you tend to be negative it would explain why people avoid you. I am not saying it's the right thing of them to do but negative attitude is not very pleasant to be around. Unless one most stick around ( like immediate family) people will limit interactions with negative people.
As about men I had tendency to get attracted to negative men ( no secret why as my dad is negative), then getting fed up with their negativity and other bs and leave them , my goal was to stop getting attracted to them to begin with, luckily I broke the pattern.
I don't think that being optimistic is somehow would make landing harder should things go sour. I experienced many hardships in life yet I always do just fine at the end and I think it's precisely because I focus on the positive, I really don't see how focusing on negative is helpful in hardships. Actually negative people crash pretty hard in my experience. Much harder than those who see the world is generally a happy place.
I do have a friend who is very negative, we work together but do things outside of work. She knows she is negative and she kind of relies on me to give her reality check ( we laugh about it as she makes me promise to keep her in check lol). We are good friends and I can handle her but no way I'd want to be with her more than certain amount of time. She actually has another friend who is just like her. We spend time together all three ( have mutual hobby). I think they keep me around to elevate their moods. They are nice people and I like them a lot or I would not spend any time with them but negativity is draining. At the end of the day I am glad i don't have to live with any of them and can go home.
Would you t work with you on developing more positive views on life? Or you think it's ingrained?
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I'm sorry, but I feel like I am repeating myself and I feel frustrated.
As I stated, my friend who is almost delusionally optimistic landed herself in a partial hospitalization program when her thing went sour. I do think that was a rather hard landing, rougher than spiraling and feeling sad for a few days. It resulted in almost three weeks off of work and damn near losing her job. Over a bad choice with a guy. I used the word "realistic," not negative. But you may use whatever word you choose. That is the point though; in my POV it isn't negativity, it's being realistic. For example, if all my friends wanted to go to the beach on Thursday and I noticed that there was a 90% chance of thunderstorms, I would say "That sounds fun, but unfortunately there is a 90% chance of thunderstorms. Maybe we should go to the movies this time instead?" I would be berated for "focusing too much on the negative," when in reality, realistically, it's probably going to be crappy outside. I don't want to pack up, drive all the way to the beach only to get rained on. See the difference between being realistic, being negative, and my POV on delusional optimism? It's the same way when I am looking out for myself in relationships: "Oh, you should go out with that guy! Give him a chance!" Me: "But the last time I saw these red flags, it didn't end well for me. Maybe I should just cancel our first date? I don't have a good feeling about this." Them: "Jeez, you have such a bad attitude. You're never going to find anyone with a bad attitude like that!" And I move on ahead because I feel ashamed of my bad attitude and "negativity," and I slam right into a brick wall, finding out that I was right all along. I can't even tell you how many times this has happened, not that I blame other people; I blame myself for moving forward in spite of what my gut told me to be true.
I think I will choose to trust my intuition, and continue to be realistic. If that makes me "negative," if that makes people not want to hang out with me, fine. But honestly, I think I may be hanging out with the wrong people because I'd rather hang out with people who, one, have some common sense and two, trust me to have my own best interests in mind! Sorry, but there are just certain aspects of my persona that aren't going to change because they aren't a result of mental illness or upbringing; they're just who I am. If my friends don't trust me to choose what's best for myself and shame those choices for being negative, then I suppose I shouldn't be on here complaining about having no friends (edit: I have friends) because I'm better off.
PS My mood is, actually, usually elevated. I am, on the whole, happy and love my life. This is another bias that annoys me. I feel like I just can't be happy
enough for other people.