Letting go of the past can be awfully difficult. What you need to do is very, very clear . . . . but, no, it is not easy. I never said it was. It may take an enormous effort on your part. But there is nothing confusing about this, so - yes - it is very clear cut. You are deliberately making this complicated to give yourself an excuse to stay psychologically mired in this connection to this man. You look forward to your next conversation with him because that seems to make life more interesting for you.

If you are willing to hang around, still participating in what you know very well is a sick relationship, then that is exactly what you do deserve. And it's what you'll get. Stop blaming him for messing with your head, when you give him complete access to your head. There are rules to how life works. I didn't make up those rules, and I'm not being mean by telling you about the rules. The rule is that, if you waste your time and attention on something that is foolish, then that is what you will get - something that is foolish.

We try and preserve what we value. You value your connection with this man, so you are preserving it. Your life is simply reflecting your values, and it always will.

I can't promise you that life gives us what we deserve. I won't guarantee that love and happiness come to us, if we do such and such. But we can sure sabotage the opportunities that might come our way, if we keep ourselves busy with what we know is crap. Life can be pretty generous about offering second chances. But we have to be alert and available when opportunity knocks. You may think there is no longterm cost to investing more of your time and attention in going down this dead end road. I promise you there is a cost to doing that. And it's higher than you realize.

Here's a truth that is not easy to accept. Life does not reward with good things those who waste their time and energies. Breaking a bad habit that has become an obsession and a compulsion is truly not easy. I totally get that. But failing to make that break has consequences. They are hard consequences. You will be the one who has to live with them.