All the books and therapy in the world won't teach you what you need to learn. What you are doing is like someone trying to learn how to ride a bicycle by reading about it and discussing it. I know because I tried to therapy myself out of social deficits. It can't be done - not that way.

You're right: this deficit in finesse that you describe is a result of how you grew up. It can probably never be totally gotten rid of. Hope, for you, lies in striving to find a basis to be accepted, despite your deficits. People with severe social deficits have achieved that. You have intelligence and sensitivity. You have to place yourself in places where your assets may be accepted as compensation for your deficits. You have to be in contact with others who are also "special," as you are special.

You're never going to be everyone's cup-of-tea. Life for you may never be "normal." You'll just have to work around that. You may have to decide to become less apologetic for being how you are. It may be that only people with unusual insight will truly value you. These people exist and it will be up to you to find them. It may be that life can be satisfying to you, if you are willing to work very hard - to make the most of your aptitudes, which I suspect are considerable. That's not fair. But it may be the reality that you have to accept.

It's not true that you won't ever learn to be more interpersonally effective, but the lessons may have to be learned through painful trial and error. I would say: Spend a little less time with the self-help books and the one-on-one counseling, and get out there and compete. Dive into life and get better at the things you have talent for. You'll grow emotionally as well. Learning to ride the bike may mean you have to be willing to fall off trying.