My depression manifests itself with most of the typical symptoms:

• Low mood or irritable mood most of the time
• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
• A big change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss
• Tiredness and lack of energy
• Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and guilt
• Difficulty concentrating
• Lack of activity and avoiding usual activities
• Feeling hopeless or helpless

During childhood, I was told I was a bad boy with hell in my future. Shame as defined by Brene Brown is a big factor in my self-talk: "... the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection."

My existence may be described as sedentary, solitary and beset with squalor.