I don't usually feel all that sad which I find odd, but I do feel empty and if it weren't for my anxiety issues I probably wouldn't feel anything. Even physical pain is numbed. I am not usually irritable and people perceive me as sad but easy going and paradoxically, funny. Actually, what I feel inside and what people perceive me as is often contradictory, leading me to believe I have little insight into myself.

I do feel very heavy and my head is foggy and drained of energy. From the neck down I feel generally good. I usually can stay goal-oriented but only with great effort and stubbornness. It is hard, but I try to make progress on my projects, house cleaning, etc every day, even if I can only do it for 30 minutes, which is a really big help to me. It gets me out, and keeps me out of bed.

I have massive amounts of self-hatred yet feel detached from myself. A pdoc once told me he has never met anyone with as much self-hatred as me and not have anger and violence issues, so I guess I have that going for me.

The onset of psychotic depression has brought new fun things but that stuff is hard to describe so I won't try but I will say that my lack of insight came with this.