I have been married to my husband for two years. We have a 9 month old son, our first child. My husband is a wonderful, loving husband. We have the support of friends and family and do not have many other stresses in our lives, other than normal day to day life. We married because we were best friends. We both are easy going, fun, difficult to anger, open to compromise, and communicate wonderfully. Actually I should say USED TO COMMUNICATE. I realize couples will have disagreements, even fights. I understand that relationships change and evolve over time, and that marriage will have it's difficult moments. HOWEVER, I have one big problem. And I say "I" because when I try to bring this up with my husband, he states he has no idea what I'm talking about, that's all in my head, and that I'm just looking for a fight. Our fights are always about the same thing: I can't to talk to him about my struggles and feelings without him getting angry or defensive.

I have tried talking nicely, I have tried talking mean, I have tried choosing my timeframe wisely as in not when he is already upset or tired or has been drinking, I have used safe language like "I feel" or "it seems like", I have tried prefacing the conversation with "I'm not trying to fight" or "I am not attacking you", I have read books and spoken to friends, I have tried to talk about it in the moment and also waited until it was some time later. I do not see a pattern to his anger other than it's when I try to talk about my feelings. I have asked him repeatedly if he would go to a counseling session with me, but he VEHEMENTLY says no, he will never go.

I try to very carefully tell him how I feel about something, he immediately gets defensive, which makes me angry that he would respond in such a way, and then we have an all out fight that never ends and we just stop when we are exhausted. He insists I am just trying to pick a fight. I have tried to tell him, I swear I am not, that I just want to make him happy, but that this is something I need to be happy, and I cannot have a relationship without it. Anytime I say that, he just gets even more angry, suggesting that I am just looking for a way out of the relationship. If he does manage to hear out my feelings without getting angry, he is just staring off in another direction, not looking at me and certainly not making eye contact, in silence or with the responses, "I don't know", "I don't know what you want me to say," or just a grunt. I ask him if I am making him upset, am I doing anything wrong, do I make him happy, he always says yes, so I don't see what I'm doing to get this angry response out of him. My girlfriends keep telling me to give it time, things will get better, it's just the nature of marriage...but they have been telling this to me for over a year with no sign of improvement or change. I am becoming increasingly depressed. Everything else about our relationship is wonderful, but if I can't even get emotional support from my husband, what kind of marriage is that?

I don't know if it's all in my head and I am being over emotional, or if this is a real problem that needs to be addressed. I have an appointment to see a counselor, though I am doubtful it will help when they are only getting my perspective and my side of the story without speaking with my husband. All I can think about is how I am going to live on my own again and raise a child with divorced parents...I don't want that at all. I have seen this EXACT SAME ISSUE with other married women out there. What do I do??? Are there any men out there that could shed some light as well?