When I'm suffering a bad bout of depression yes I become very withdrawn, angry, upset, and sometimes suicidal when I'm with a group of happy, laughing, joking people. I did not go to our company Christmas party because of this and missed two informal get togethers for the same reason, which only makes things worse for me as I isolate myself more.

What some of my coworkers don't understand is that if I were to go to these events, I wouldn't be a "droopy dog" I'd naturally put on a mask and laugh along with them and then when I got home alone I would be completely crushed, drained, and miserable for days afterward. I have to stay away from those events to protect myself.

I know that causes other problems for me when I isolate myself so I'm working on trying to get myself back to being able to at least tolerate by trying to participate in small doses at work. I know there is a part of me that used to enjoy interacting with my coworkers, I'm hoping that I might be able to find that part of myself and draw it out.