Asperger's unfortunately explains your reactions.

I was married 33 years to a guy who I realized had Aspergers after a T suggested it as a possibility when I described the problems over the years & I researched it thoroughly to see if that might be what I had been living & fighting with all those years. He has never been formally diagnosed even though his (our) pdoc told him he needed to see a neurologist as he knew there was more causing problems than just the adult ADD.

I'm sure if he had married someone without my personality & someone whose patience & tolerance for the behaviors I encountered hadn't already been on overload growing up with dysfunctional parents, he could have had a successful marriage.

Don't give up hope of finding someone you are truly compatible with even if it takes years to find. Don't settle for anything less. Being alone is a lot better than living in a miserable marriage with someone who fights the behaviors & lack of emotional connection that can be sensed in a marriage like that.

Asperger's wasn't even known about in the US back in 1975 when we got married. Looking back I had seen the red flags & even told my mom I didn't want to get married to him but got talked out of my concerns because there was no understanding of them at that time.

He hates/hated change & couldn't figure out how to deal so goes into total shut down mode & it got worse the older he gets. Sadly, for me I realize that the lack of respect the marriage started with gave no environment for any love to grow.

That isn't what you want for your life. Be glad he left or you could have ended up in a seriously miserable relationship/marriage.

Like I said...be patient & really look for the patient, easy going person who is able to handle some of the difficult aspects & challenges that Aspergers can introduce into relationships...it's so important to find the compatible personalities from the beginning because if someone comes into the relationship expecting you to change & adapt, that is not something someone with Asperger's is able to do very easily, if at all....it's ok...we are all created in our own way & we need to find the person who is compatible with us so we can enjoy our life rather than spending it fighting & miserable....it's worth the wait.

I have never been happier in my life than I am now 8 1/2 years after leaving him & living alone. I am finally able to be myself rather than reacting to what I was experiencing....

It wasn't that you didn't make him happy it was that you were both incompatible for each other