Why did I tell you so much? You don't really care. You pretend you do but I don't believe you right now. I feel like I'm betraying the only people that have a chance at loving me- if only I can be good enough- for you, who will never care about me. I feel so devastated. I'm so stupid. I'm so alone. I feel like you were making fun of me today and you were so far away- and I'm sure it's my fault, the phone, whatever. I'm pretty stupid and clueless so I'm sure I wasn't hearing you right and missing the "good" and hearing the confusing parts but still. I'm hurting so badly and you are away for so long and I didn't know it.