I generally feel nothing or I feel like I'm drowning. Sometimes I get thoughts about how I might die. Okay, more than sometimes; it's more like every day, several times a day. Nothing really gets me out of it except sleep and then I just wake up feeling the same way. I'm also on an antidepressant cocktail and my emotions are kind of messed up until the drugs 'have time to kick in'. I was feeling depressed beforehand, too. Then, it was more of a response to not being able to control my panic attacks and flashbacks. I was also angry and I mean, really angry. I'd punch inanimate objects and yell at my fiance over the littlest things that are trivial to me. I just wanted to fight. Sometimes I still do but it quickly passes along with my lack of energy to do so because of the drugs I'm on.
Keep your chin up and keep fighting. Even if that means going to a therapist and/or taking medication. We'll see if my medication helps or if I'm going to have to find something else but I'm still going to be here and I'd like to know that you are, too. If you want to PM me, that's okay. I hope things get better for you.