Hello guiltier65: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I came to the conclusion some time ago that those around us really don't really care about our problems or our suffering. They just want us to be the people they want us to be. In my case, I've lived everyone else's idea of who I ought to be for so long I don't even know who or what I would be if I were to decide to be myself... not that I have any plans to try. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that, in some way, you will be able to find deep peace within...