I feel so anxious, and I have been spiraling down for some time. It was awful this weekend, but yesterday wasn't too bad. Even my husband thought I seemed a little better. He thinks it's related to my hormones; because I'm at the end of my cycle, I thought yesterday meant he was right, and I'm getting a little better - that it was just really bad PMS or something.

Then today, I'm jumping out of my skin again. I want to scream, cry, curl up in a ball, disappear, have no responsibilities left, have no one that depends on or cares for me left. I can't concentrate on any work, and I'm afraid it's going to get really obvious soon if I can't get it together. I don't want to see anyone I don't have to, including several social engagements this week and a class that we attend regularly. I think I'm skipping the class again tonight. I'm seeing a friend of mine tomorrow for some physical therapy, and she's having a huge birthday bash Friday - I'm trying to figure out how to skip that...it sounds awful to me to try to go to that. I attended a baby shower last weekend, and didn't realize until I showed up that I didn't dress appropriately (I was still in clothes I meant to wear to the feed store to pick up chicken coop supplies), didn't put any makeup on, and had even forgotten to comb my hair that day.

I want to hit my head against a wall, and right now I'm stuck in that thought for some reason. Self-harm/self-injury isn't typically something I do. I'm not sure what I want right now - a glass of wine, a muscle relaxer & my bed, ???

I just want to disappear...