Im 36 female. Im in a relationship with an alcoholic. He's a raging alcoholic. We've been together for seven years. Recently I found out that he may have cheated. We have children together and I have done that aren't his.

His drinking has taken all our money, he's violent after drinking allot, we have lost allot due to his drinking.

I am co dependant and can't get away. The thing is, this is my apartment, I have my own vehicle in my own name, im self sufficient. I don't need him financially.

But, mentally I can't let go.

Im depressed and lately have been hoping that I'll die
Maybe something will happen to me, that's what Im hoping. He's currently very drunk and passed out after running his mouth on me and the children, im crying in my bedroom wishing I weren't living.

I can't take life anymore. This is anther one of those sappy stories where mommy is addicted to an alcoholic and lives in a dump, basically a hopeless situation. I realize Im a horrible, disgusting mother. I've accepted that.

I just can't get a grip on myself. Im depressed horrible and do take paxil and remeron, been on them for years
I've tried every medicine known to every pharmaceutical and truly there's nothing that really helps me.

The problem is, im co dependant and think can't I live without a man.
Im just one of those waste of air type people's

What can I do? Im truly terrified of dying but crave it. I hate life. I hate living. I hate everything and am barely functioning. I don't even know what I want by posting this, but I did.

This man has a hold on me and I think it's going to end up costing me my life because im done living.