Ruari I could have written the exact same thing. Set off by a disappointment that has now taken over my whole life and is threatening my job security because the depression bolsters the negativity of it and has it running rampant over all parts of my brain and yes digging up crap from my past and using that to cause more pain. Not participating with others because if i pretend to be "up" I'll pay for it in pain and suffering many times over when I'm alone afterward. Lashing out in anger at those who just want to help.

Hope you can hang in there, I'm trying.