My theory is that a woman will either like or not like a man. If she finds him attractive and if he established eye contact with her (very important), she will be responsive, even if he is shy and even if they are both in a noisy crowd. If he doesn't speak very loud she will lean towards him. She will draw him out. On the other hand, if he is an extrovert and she is attracted to him, she will laugh at his silly jokes. He may talk very loud and make her blush but if she is attracted to him she will put up with all kinds of crazy behavior, even rudeness. Extroverted men can be clownish and kind of rude and somehow get away with it!

It's mainly a numbers game. Men who find women to date are relentless searchers. They keep at it. They will talk to everyone. They will flirt with all women regardless of age, or appearance...just for practice. Women know it is a numbers game, too, and they also know it is fiercely competitive. Young women who are very serious about finding someone will diet, exercise, and diet some more. Because men are visual women know they must look appealing. Even at the gym. Everywhere they go there may be a potential mate in the area. A woman doesn't have to be a model but she has to have a sparkly confidence. She has to play up her strengths.

If you want a girlfriend I would advise you...get fierce. I mean...realize that men are in competition for women...and you are going to join that competition. You need to start talking to women everywhere, and noting what makes them smile, what makes them laugh. Or be shy and mysterious, BUT learn how to make eye contact and just smile a little smile. That can be pretty sexy, the man hiding halfway behind a black cape! Smoking cigarettes is now yukky, but it used to be that men smoked to keep calm and look cool. I know this because I grew up with a bunch of brothers. They carried cigarettes but didn't really smoke except when out and around girls -- and needing to appear calm. Nowadays I don't know what men do. Maybe they twirl their bike helmet!

You remind me of someone. He had similar problems as you. He seems to have left this community for awhile. I wonder if he is hiding out in his cave, busy developing a game plan.

I pass on this information from experience. In many ways the dating game is a cruel, cruel game, and not for the fainthearted. You may be dating someone and feel it is not going anywhere so you dump them. You feel a bit guilty, but relieved. The next thing you know --- you fall head over heels with a girl, she leads you on, you are in love, and then she dumps you! It is the game of the dumpee and the dumper. My girlfriends and I never liked to dump someone because we were superstitious. We always said if you dump someone then you will get dumped within a year. Often it happened like that. A cruel game.

Until finally you will be exhausted and you will tell yourself you are ready to go back into your man cave and remain single for 33 years.

Then suddenly --- there she is! Unexpectedly. Surprisingly. Excitingly. But remember, you did your homework and that is how you got to this place, now knowing exactly what to do and say to draw her into your world, perhaps forever.