I wonder if I'm just wasting my therapist's time and my provider's meds...

I was raised in an abusive home. I worked through that, 20 years ago, with my first therapist.

Later, I grieved that besides the pain, I missed out on typical life experiences that would now be pleasant memories.

Now, I've finally put together that because of that past, it put it on a trajectory that is causing me present-day suffering. There's no question about it - the distant past stunted my growth and led to a cripplingly low self-esteem which cascaded into choosing the wrong spouse from a much lower socio-economic bracket and bad career decisions. These tangible effects of the past aren't going to go away.

So the core "healing" elements of:

1) Accepting the past for what it was
2) Making the most of the present

...seem just a waste of time to me. I can't fill the hole of empty memories and just move forward. The past set wheels in motion that are hurting me right now and aren't reversible.

I wonder if others feel the same way about the futility of healing the past?