Hey. I had a similar experience with my therapist. He took 3 weeks off and said that we could email during that time. I sent him an email and he responded. I sent him an email... And he didn't respond. I waited a week and sent him another (a little panicky) and he didn't respond. I waited a couple days and sent him another (in which I said 'I feel abandoned') and he didn't respond. He sent me a txt the night before we were due for a session and said he was sorry he had been busy but he hoped I'd come in for a session. I wouldn't have gone back if he hadn't have done that...

In the session I was mad and hurt and felt abandoned and betrayed. I don't express anger either. Don't want him to get angry with me :-( I did say that I felt hurt, though. That I understood that he was busy and stuff... But I said that he shouldn't have promised to email me if that was likely to be a promise that he couldn't keep.

> You promised me that you would never do anything to deliberately produce anxiety without it being a joint decision...

It might be that similarly, that is making a promise that he isn't able to keep. It depends on what is likely to produce anxiety in you, you see. See... It might be that he needs to cancel a session for some reason but doing so will produce anxiety in you. It might be that he needs to change the session time but doing so will produce anxiety in you. It might be that he can't take emails or phone calls but not doing so will produce anxiety in you.

I told my therapist that I felt hurt and stuff in response to his action. I told him that the worst thing was that he made a promise and he didn't keep it. I told him that it was important to me that he not make promises that he is unlikely to be able to keep because if he does that then I can't trust the promises he makes.

He leaned forward through all this... Listening intently to me... He didn't attempt to explain away his actions or justify his actions. He didn't tell me that my response was unreasonable or that he hadn't done anything wrong. He just said... 'Don't make promises you can't keep'. He understood what I was saying.

And then... We talked about times in the past where I had felt like people had let me down. How that felt. The kinds of things that had happened to me and how this incident brought a lot of stuff up for me.

It turned out okay because... He is a kind person who does his best. But... He is only human. It is a mark of being human (compared with superhuman) that mistakes are inevitable. Therapists aren't perfect. That being said the fact that he is trying to help me and he listens to me and he doesn't mock me or hate me goes a long way. His basic attunement goes a long way to repair the rupture in the relationship.

Sometimes I think therapy is about that... Failure of optimal responsiveness. Hurt. Upset. Triggering past stuff. Processing that past stuff. Repairing the relationship. Over and over and over again. Over time... The repair gets easier as we develop more of a trust that such things can be repaired in a way that preserves both of the peoples dignity.

It is important to talk to him about this... And his reaction... Could be very healing indeed. Scary, though, when in the past one simply wasn't able to talk about this kind of stuff because the other persons ego was so fragile that talking about it would have been running the risk of damaging the relationship irrevokably...

Hang in there.