I do not - it's just that I wasn't allowed to socialize with other people when I was younger. I wasn't ever ashamed, oddly enough - I thought it was normal. Until I realized it wasn't. Then, I just didn't care if people knew or not but I didn't interact with enough people for that to be a concern/option.

Admittedly, the relationship with my boyfriend is built online and that comes with a lot of risks. My reasoning is - it is guaranteed if I stay here I'll be miserable while it's a chance that I may not be elsewhere. I'm not doubtful, really. I do trust this person and all of that, it's just some kind of emotional block. I'm scared of the day I leave, and scared that I'll just become a worse person if I leave. It sounds kind of weird and abstract now that I type it out.

Thank you. I honestly have trouble not minimizing it or defending it... I even argued with my boyfriend about it and he was, predictably, frustrated that I legitimately turned it into an argument

I'm just really not well versed with anything outside of my environment since I wasn't really allowed outside of it. And, strangely enough, my parents tend to yell at me for that, as if it's my fault. I really feel like they thought I was supposed to "parent" myself - they don't really seem to take any responsibility, just constantly blaming me or the other parent. I'm rambling though!

Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply.