I struggle with some of these dilemmas. I wonder whether you feel pressure to change your internal perspective on these struggles, even though that does not feel appropriate? This is something I struggle with. There is a lot of advice out there, particularly in therapy, that suffering is largely to do with one's response to life. But life can be inherently cruel and feeling down about it is not necessarily a personal failing. Seems the best way forward is to understand the past but not dwell in it, though I don't know how to achieve that exactly.