1976kitchenfloor - you are so right, body memories do exist. We are made up of 5 sences and each one has there own memory. Think about when you smell something the strong memory that brings back. Touch is the same way. I have combative PTSD from a period of brainwashing and grooming and rape to follow. You body really does have memories. You can rationalize with your brain (sometimes) or maybe even trick it, but not with your body. Sensations are hard to overcome. The sense of touch contains the largest amount of nerve endings, it sends signals to your brain, and it is just so hard to deal with sometimes.

You are so right, it is very difficult to describe dissociation to someone who doesn't have that issue. My husband is a very black and white thinker, and he believes that there is no way a person can be "gone" for 10 of the 16 waking hours in a day. He says it is laziness and a choice to set around and do nothing. HE says it is somehting I can change and choose not to do. That is incorrect. Sometimes I can catch myself and tell my brain "Stop It", other times I'm jsut "gone" and don;t realize it until I come to. The T named it exactly today. She said that dissociation gives whole new meaning to jsut going threw the motions of life. She is exactly right. I can go to wal mart and get groceries and be oblivious to everything around me, I can drive a car (rather unsafely unfortunately) while dissociated, I can have a meal, go for a stroll, take the kids to the play ground all while dissociated. (Though the T has said when you are having really off days please don't drive.) It is definitely going threw the motions but not being "there" really.

I am currently using neurofeedback, which is a fairly new science. It helps strengthen certain parts of your brain and make other parts less strong so that they don't have so much power to cause you to panic, of dissociate. I have jsut started it, so I don;t know how well it will work, but my T has high hopes and I do to. That might be worth asking your T about.