Hi Erica

I can understand how everything must feel so overwhelming right now I'm sorry
And this is just a thought.........but I'm wondering whether it might help to focus on things separately??
I mean you're trying to cope with the depression, with the grieving, with loss, with maybe the old addiction trying to dig it's claws into you (??)............sounds like A LOT going on for you (!!!)........so maybe all the resources you can get could help??
Like trying your doctor about the depression...........
The grieving/loss...........I don't know whether this will help, but I've found quite a few links/forums/support links for grieving/loss looking for you............inc:
Bereavement and Grief Chat Room - Bereavement and Grief Forums - Bereavement and Grief Community - Social Networking - Online Bereavement and Grief Support Group - HealthfulChat
Grief Chat Rooms ? Chat Rooms For Grief Support on Loss of a Loved One | Grief Hope Network
Online Grief Support - A Social Community - Don't grieve alone
Like I said I really don't know if they may help but...........
Addiction..............maybe the groups you've found or AA could help you through this really difficult time.............
And of course I'd hope you've got us/PC way up there on your support list!!
Like I said just a thought though...........

And maybe try focusing on just getting through one day at a time............one day, then the next day, then the next, then the next.............things can get easier, in time, with the right support, and we're with you in this

Alison