My mother was horrifically abusive to my siblings and I, and I only just managed to get away from her when I moved to Idaho. She and my other brother (not the one I want to see) used to break into my house, and every time I moved she'd find out via my sister where I lived and show up at the door. I still have so many scars from her, both internal and external, I just don't know what I'll do if I see her. I'm so angry, I'm afraid I'll kill her if I'm alone with her. Between she and my ex husband, they manage to destroy everything that I was, and I'm only now starting to piece myself back together. On top of it all, I am going to see him (on purpose) for the sake of my kids, since they deserve to see their dad. I don't know if I can deal with this. The funny thing is I'm only in the past couple of years truly starting to feel enraged at the both of them, and I wonder why it's taken such a long freaking time. I read somewhere that PTSD tends to pop up in people toward their mid to late 20's when they were abused as children, so I wonder if that's part of it. I didn't really start to show PTSD symptoms until I was 24, though I showed all the signs that I was being and had been abused, otherwise. Anyhow, I'm tempted to call the whole thing off, but I feel like that would be cowardly, and I really need to see my cousin before she passes away and miss my other siblings, so I'm very torn. I would also very much like to hunt her down and push her down a large set of stairs, and I think the only reason I might not is because it'd take too much energy.