As a child SA survivor, I thought I was really good at reading people and knowing what they think, interpreting their behavior and motivations. I think I was good at this when it came to my abuser, as it helped to keep me safe. Or it gave me the illusion that I could avoid being hurt if I was diligent enough in reading him. Or both.

My biggest epiphany was in realizing that I couldn't know what other people were thinking, or what they meant, or what they were intending, unless I asked them. And then 2 things happened: 1) I started to relate to people as they are, not who I imagined them to be; and 2) they became more open to me, because I was open to them and not closed off in my beliefs that I knew them better than they knew themselves. Both these things have transformed my relationships, especially my marriage, into more satisfying and close ones.