I have definitely come to this conclusion, and am mostly comfortable with it. It is a recent revelation to me, but I know that my personality is unique (when I test, I come up as an INTJ/ISTJ every time, and this is what describes me best). I don't want to fit in with everyone, but I think it frustrates me when I feel like people try to bend me to fit their expectations (which some people are wont to do, we all do it, I do it) but when I don't fit those expectations try to make me feel ashamed, like it is my fault and I am defective because of my background. When more likely I'm acting within the (acceptable and functional) bounds of my personality, just not within the bounds of their expectations. If that makes sense.

I actually don't do self-help books at all. I find them to be too insipid most of the time, and I can only think of two off the top of my head that I've read in the last 10 years. However, I downloaded one this week on radical acceptance (radical self-love, radical self-acceptance, radical forgiveness), and I think that is appropriate for my life. I think a lot of people struggling with depression and/or anxiety, issues of self-worth, and especially the shame/guilt spiral which is probably the root of all of my problems can benefit from understanding this concept...and I don't. I have come to accept that I have a big problem with ineffective coping--I mainly use screen time (movies, TV, internet, etc), food, alcohol, shopping--to cope with negative emotions. I also withdraw and isolate as a means to deal with the fact that I find relationships with other people too painful/stressful to deal with. I've been good at saying, "Oh, well, I like being on my own and doing my own thing." And I do! But at the same time, I haven't treated myself very well in that alone time, whether it be that I don't eat well (I tend to eat a lot of processed food and I'm learning to switch to eating cleanly as a way to both be healthier and also to value and be kind to myself), that I drink too much, or whatever. Anyway, lol...point is that self-help books aren't all bad, and therapy for someone like me, while it isn't going to solve all of my problems, is probably necessary for maintenance.

Also, in all of that rambling paragraph, I should have said that I realized that while I was doing all of this ineffective coping, I was probably not putting as much into my healing as I thought I had been. I just had a therapy session today where we discussed that I was fed up with status quo and wanted to be better about that. If only to be happier in my own mind.