Hi crying. I am sorry you have so much pain that you want to self medicate. It is a natural impulse to want to lessen pain, but there are other ways beside self medicating.
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Do you have a psychiatric doctor that you could explain your situation to? With the psych doc, there could be ways to get a more balance medication combo that treats your symptoms and helps you wean yourself off self medicating. Check with your psych doc which self medicating drugs might react with the prescribed meds from the pdoc.

Glad you are joining us here. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.