Ok..... so where do I even begin?

So, for a long time, but especially strong now, I've wanted for something to be wrong with me.... but it isn't that I want attention, at least I don't think so.

It's just that.... I don't want to be like every other human being and just live my unfulfilling life, marry, have kids, die. I don't know why, but I just have this feeling like I have to rebel, against life.

I don't want to have an ignorant life, and live for emotions. People live to experience emotions, but no, I'm not like that, right?

This....concept/belief/idk-what-to-call-it has led me to look for something, anything that separates me from humans.

It...... disgusts..... me that people can live their lives ignorant that its pointless except for experiencing emotions......

This has also led me to often believe, or want to believe, that I'm not part of the human race. If people at the age of 60 are still oblivious of this, then how can I, being a teenager, acknowledge this?

No one I know sees life like this, my friends are too busy thinking about trivial matters, my family says that "You live to find love and happiness" or such jabberwocky. Find love? Why try? Life is mostly garbage, why stay in it just for those 3 seconds of being rewarded?

The only problem, is that part of me doesn't care about the logical side, it just wants to experience these damned emotions!

I can't, not me too.

I don't know how to cope with this internal conflict.