From the moment I was diagnosed, my life has been spiraling out of control. When I was first misdiagnosed with MDD, I had ECT, it did nothing. I then sought a new pdoc and he diagnosed me as bipolar 2, put me on a ton of ADs and started my rapid cycling. He had no idea what was exactly wrong so he stopped answering my calls and "referred" me to my current pdoc. She has been pumping me with APs and ADs for a year before finally stopping to think I might be rapid cycling, stopping the ADs and maybe trying different APs. At this point I've been on 10-15 drugs. Lamictal and topamax are the only ones that have continuously helped me to some extent. Now I might have the lamictal rash. I just can't. Why bother trying? For the first time in my entire life I had no suicidal ideation because of lamictal. Every time there is a glimmer of hope it gets crushed, every time I try to get back up I get kicked in the face again. On top of everything else my medical aid won't cover for any more hospital stays/pdoc visits/therapy. I feel like such a burden on my parents, I don't know what to do anymore. (I also had to leave in the middle of my medical degree, a degree I probably won't finish which is just as hard to accept)