I seriously don't feel like doing anything today. I noticed that my depression is slowly getting stronger again and today is the worst. I didn't go to work, not taking shower, not talking to any other people (verbally), and I lock myself in my room with no intention of meeting anyone. I just want to lay on my bed and doing nothing. I've been having headache for 2 weeks now and last 2 days I went to see a doc. My blood pressure was quite high. He told me to start on my hypertension and antidepressant meds, and see my pdoc/T again. I don't know what's wrong with me. Lately, I'm having trouble with staying focus, and coordinating my mind of what to do. Works that were previously easy to do seems very hard to accomplish now. These days it affects my communication skill as well. I'm having trouble with coordinating my brain of what to say. It almost feels like my brain was in "fills in the blank" game, and it fails me most of the time. It's frustrating me! I feel like i'm gradually losing my ability to communicate. I think i've lost memories of certain words, and I even have a rough time with spelling as well. I need to rely on dictionary to check on my spelling. And the worst, I need to juggle between dictionary and phone to check because I'm having trouble to remember the spelling in one sight. I don't know if that's an early sign of stroke, but I hope not. Yesterday as per doc's suggestion, I set an appointment with my pdoc/T after my sudden-quit few months ago. My appointment would be on Tuesday next week. I guess, therapy and meds would be my best company for a while. I hope so.

Sometimes just getting through each day requires almost superhuman strength ~ Excerpt from After You by Jojo Moyes