I think like that a lot honestly. like you raised in abusive home, and there are a lot of negative memories, and it lead to isolation and poor choices and emotional ramifications that may always be present in some degree until I die. But what I've come to discover is that feelings are not set in stone, they are like water, they come and go. Like cravings for a cigarette and painfully and slowly you can learn to manage them recognize them and sometimes even wave them goodbye... The loss of a home, while devastating in the moment, might be a story you like to tell at a party in your next house which you cant even anticipate now 5 years down the line. I think that our bad experiences in childhood set us up for defective thinking, super pessimists, always seeing the worst and looking for the bad. So afraid of rejection we self sabotage, that sort of thing.