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I see pre-mania as my normal, but it's just the rest of the world is not my normal. So it gets messy and unstable. Pre-mania would be still largely unprovoked mania. Me being normal is per se abnormal to most. Their irrationality is largely my rationality.
Stable is when I feel I am in control of myself and I start to see possibilities that remain important to me for some time, not being quickly superseded by other, and rather exclusively and extremely important, possibilities.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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