Sorry, Icare dixit, I've been meaning to get back to this, but it's been a rough couple of days -- thoughts too scattered for writing.

Anyhow, I did want to make a point of adding that despite all that was messed up about it, I feel positively blessed compared to what many here on PC have been through. Truly.

That's terrible how treating your mother that way was modeled. It's good to hear that at least he gets that now. Don't be too hard on yourself for "going along with" as a child. Children will perceive things as normal that aren't, simply from not knowing any different.

When you talk about your father seeing your mother in you, it makes me wonder. I don't know if anyone else did in my case. My dad couldn't have of course. BP hit full force at 20. It's rather complicated to explain, but basically, everyone was scattered at that point. I had to move in with my mother for a short time (before jumping ship at first viable opportunity, lol). Whatever she saw, she didn't like, that's for sure! Though, being in such denial.... Who knows WHAT was going on in that looking glass(!)