I think that after a year of working my butt off trying to make it work for me, I just came to think of it as a sham. Lately, even the most prominent CBT psychologists and psychiatrists are saying that it's a good therapy for "light depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc." But even that has been called into question.

The 'success rate' of CBT has been declining since 1977 - faster in the pst decade. There have been numerous studies that have found CBT to be no more, and even less, successful that traditional treatments. CBT also has greater drop-out rates than traditional therapies.

I don't know who was the first to note that there is no room for agency - free will - in CBT. It has been suggested that CBT makes the assumption that free will does not exist. I do not believe that.

I'll compare it to AA again - you have to be a 'true believer' for it to work. During my longest hospitalization, I had to attend AA, CA, etc., meetings sometimes twice a day. Not because I was addicted to alcohol or drugs (I have a single drink at Christmas and I snorted cocaine once in college - not exactly an addict) but because it was part of the program. Luckily, I was mute most of that time so I was never asked to 'share.'

AA is exactly like CBT in that it refutes agency. I take complete responsibility for my mental illnesses. I'm responsible for my isolation, depression, anxiety, schizoaffective disorder, all of it. I don't understand where some of my demons come from but the majority come from life-long immoral decisions that cost me the two people that I loved most in my time. I've visited some protestant churches where they have 'altar calls' and watched as overly-emotional people have run - literally run - down the aisle to be saved. Maybe for the 3 time that month. Even most protestant theology teaches agency, but these folks are giving it up, stoked by emotion rather than a jot of theology.

The CBT, AA, etc., cheerleaders have more blind faith than me. As much as I loathe myself I feel that I am paying the price of actions and decisions. It isn't helping, that's certain, but I can't blame my situation on anyone but myself.

It terrifies me to feel this way. But I'm unwilling to blame anyone else for my moral failures and so I blame myself.