Quote:
Originally Posted by hjames
I wonder if I'm just wasting my therapist's time and my provider's meds...
I was raised in an abusive home. I worked through that, 20 years ago, with my first therapist.
Later, I grieved that besides the pain, I missed out on typical life experiences that would now be pleasant memories.
Now, I've finally put together that because of that past, it put it on a trajectory that is causing me present-day suffering. There's no question about it - the distant past stunted my growth and led to a cripplingly low self-esteem which cascaded into choosing the wrong spouse from a much lower socio-economic bracket and bad career decisions. These tangible effects of the past aren't going to go away.
So the core "healing" elements of:
1) Accepting the past for what it was
2) Making the most of the present
...seem just a waste of time to me. I can't fill the hole of empty memories and just move forward. The past set wheels in motion that are hurting me right now and aren't reversible.
I wonder if others feel the same way about the futility of healing the past?
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Don't know that I have much to add to what others have already said but, yes, after 50 years on and off I do often feel the futility of continuing therapy in my case. I'm continuing for the moment, one appointment at a time, because stopping seems also futile. And I don't know for sure. My feeling that (more) therapy is futile could be wrong. I was ready for my last appointment to really be my last, and went to the appointment with that as the main thing to talk about, but my T offered a change in course so I'll try it for a while, until the next time I'm 99.4% - 100% convinced that my feeling of futility is a good guide for what to do.
My T changed course, too -- so we're kind of in uncharted waters for both of us. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't. We'll see.