i completely understand how you feel...
just dont know what to do...
it is not easy... its actually the most difficult thing i have ever tried to deal with...
i can say a couple things...
you are not alone ...
and you are very strong... to live with this pain... you have to be stronger than anyone...
stronger than you feel... stronger than you ever thought you could or would be...
but its not because we are weak that we feel these things...
its because we've been strong for so long...
doesnt have to be the end... just have to keep fighting with every last ounce of energy... even though we feel like there is no more energy to spend... have to kick up some tinder and throw a spark on it... have to make the energy sometimes... sometimes from nothing at all... but we can do it.... just have to keep fighting....

some people find talking to god helps...
for me talking to god has just been making things worse...
so you just have to remember that you are a human being... and being human means that we didn't ask for these things... and we dont deserve these feelings... it just happened to us... we have to live life differently from others...
and we have to be stronger than anyone else...

you are not alone... maybe we can find strength in each other... to see our own strength...
stay strong... i know how weak you feel... we are here for you...