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Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor
Hello.
As someone who dissociates talking to others about it is extremely difficult. I dont think there is another condition that is so isolating. the expereinces you have are so deeply refective or what you ahve expereinced that its naturally ahrd for someone else to relate. I truly feel for you and hope that tomorrow is a better day.
I think I also understand about your situation with your husband. Relationships are based on honest communication and I do honestly beleive that there are some things- DID being one- that are very hard for non DID people to understand. I also think there is the element of fear involved since the idea that life can be so cruel is truly a scary one. There is also the fact of feeling so out of control about being able to help the one you love. Your husband likely feels that as well. Do you think his anger or saying you are blaming him might be his way of defending himself against his own feelings of helplessness? Maybe he blames himself because he loves you and still he doesnt know what to do or how to make thigns better for yo
Running away is a feeling I have had when I get overwhelmed and feel unsupported. But then theres the question ; what am I running to? If Im just running away with no plans in hand, then maybe what I really need is a vacation.
As far as the getting in touch with the part of you that feels electricty in your hands and feet along with the overwhelming feeling youve done soemthing wrong: maybe you should talk to your therapist about this. Have you ever used hypnosis? I cant help but wonder if you werent punished as a little person in some way that your body still remembers. Body memory is real. Our bodies remember but sometimes our minds forget. Could there be some traumatic thing that happened to you as a little child in which you were either punished or made to feel guilty for something you did and that what your experinced via this punishment mae your ahnds and feet fell like electircity was going through them?
these are just some thoughts I have.
I hope your next day is a much much better one. Take care.
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Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. It has been such a relief and gift to have found this site.
Yes, my husband is not a supportive part of what I am walking through. Some days I can talk, lightly, about it and he is receptive to what I'm saying. On hard days, he can see that something is not quite right and wants to know what is bothering me. There have been several times that I have shared with him, only to have it misunderstood as me blaming him for the way I was triggered and reacted to something. It's like walking through a land mine. I believe he wants to understand, but he can't wrap his mind around it. I have to say, that was "me" at the beginning of my journey and it put me in MY "kitchen floor" several times trying to wrap my brain around it. Hopefully, understanding for him will come.
The running away... That comes, as you said, when I feel overwhelmed and I feel very alone. It's kind of funny, I want to get in my car and just drive until it runs out of gas, then the thought comes "Where would I end up?" That's kind of scary in that moment so the running away get's put on the back burner. One day, maybe, I'll just do it and see where it takes me.
Thank you again for your thoughts and hearing me.