There's something heavy weighing me down, something I've not told anyone that effects me severely this time of the year. I've tried to talk about it with my T but I've had a fainting episode every time.

The thing is, with the anniversary of this event coming up I'm finding it very difficult to talk to my T, she's doing a lot of the talking and I'm thankful for it but she's got nothing to work with and the things she does say are only somewhat right. I tell her if she's interpreted me or feelings wrongly, but I'm so slow to reply sometimes she's already talking again.

If I talk about this event there's a 99.9999% chance I'll have an episode and faint. If I don't then I've grazed over something really important. My T thinks we should steer clear of traumatic memories, to stop myself from fainting until I've learnt some grounding techniques, but I'm worried by the time I've learnt them these raw feelings I've hidden for 10 years will be buried again until next year. This time next year I won't be in therapy, it's how it's been arranged for me so this is probably the only time I'll have to deal with it but now I feel like I can't. I feel like my T has shut that avenue down. I don't know if or how to approach her about this.*