So been trying to figure out if switching for me is involuntary, or voluntary. I cant seem to figure it out. I am aware sometimes I have a thought that is conscious, " I cant take this" or I cant do this right now," something along those lines, but also aware that at times I have a blank mind. And will have no idea why I switched.

It is driving me crazy that I don't know or feel more towards one side.

What would it mean if I was voluntarily switching? First thought is why would I want to miss out on some much time? I also see that maybe the situation was to emotional, okay, if that is the case..i would feel shame and extremely bad ...like its my fault I have this disorder now...or have that kind of thinking.

If involuntarily, then why so often in what I, before switch happens, perceive to be no threat, not emotional, non triggering, etc.. but I vanish and cant remember a thing.

Sometimes I feel there is truly two parts of me that do this kind of dance, and I cant distinguish me from her.

I feel I was present today in session, but as foggy headed as I am right now, I believe that it was not me there, but who Iam I? Am I her, and she me? Does anyone really know? Is it a fight for control of the body for now? Is this a way to divert my attention to the real matter? Have I lost it?

So interested in how others view their own switching? Thoughts?