Thank you kitchenfloor and Big Mama for your replies.

Yes, there are very traumatic memories from my childhood. My father's anger was very explosive and I was the victim or witness to it many times. Those memories are the ones where I see them as an observer and the TV turns off before the event reaches the end.

My counselor and I have been talking about the tingling in my hands and feet and it happening during my session time. There was session that I shared something that had happened, and my feet and fingers were tingling so much it was almost like they were vibrating. I have very vague memories of that session, and what I do remember is fragments and pieces. I actually experienced a flashback during that time, but didn't realize it until days later. It was as if what we were talking about, overlapped onto where I was. I know I was there. I know I was talking. But, that was not me. It is very disturbing even now, to share it with you.

It seems that maybe the tingling is like a part of me that is like a shadow, kind of like a protector if I get in "too deep" then it's like a zip line that totally dissociates me. I barely remember driving home, but I did. It seems to always start on my way to his office, at different levels depending what's going through my mind. There is no fear in me that I can identify. I feel very safe talking with him.

Big Mama - I totally relate to what you are saying about being dissociated and still just going through the motions. I spend a LOT of my time these days, in that exact place. Sometimes it's stronger than others, and I've most probably been like that most of my life. I'm just now learning to identify it. I hope that I can get to the place where I can tell myself "No" and not go there.

It happens quite often, when I am writing in my journal or if I get really stressed out. I look at my hands, and they don't seem to be mine. THAT'S a really weird feeling!!

I've also recently realized, that I apparently do things that I am not aware of. I've had a couple of conversations with my youngest son, that I have no memory of and a few other things that have happened when I was (I thought) asleep. Still working on processing that.

I've also picked up on the body memory sensations a couple of times. It happens and my mind seems to focus directly on it, and tell me what it is. It's a comfort that I am able to sort that out and realize what it is.

The neurofeedback sounds really interesting. I would love to know how it works for you!

I hope all of this makes sense! There was so much I wanted to say and share.

Thank you KitchenFloor and Big Mama!!!