the bolded, red part. Me. Now. Not being able to bear another minute of living with the sword of Damocles poised above my head, I had the "what will become of me?" conversation with the only member of my family that I trust not to abandon me and they said they'd take care of me if/when it comes to that.

I was so relieved I thought I was going to pass out.

Of course, relating the conversation to a friend last night I realized for the first time how my destiny may - in the final analysis - all come down to this one person, my family member - and that scared me all over again. What if something happens to them? Then what?

Dexter, I hope that your family/friends give you the assurance that I can understand you may need. It's difficult to come out of the shadows - we're safe there (albeit isolated, lonely and sad). The sun, while brilliantly beautiful, can burn until we adjust.