Hey survivin, welcome to psychcentral. I hear you about the silence and wasting money; I did that for lots of years!

That's the one thing I would tell myself if I had to do it all again, to talk anyway; I didn't figure out that it is my therapy, not my therapist's until about year 10 :-( Therapists can't initiate much because it is not their problems, they can't reach into your mind and find what you want/need to talk about and questions only go so far in the beginning.

One of my favorite sessions in 18 years with the same therapist was the session where just near the end I said, "I don't think we talked about what we should have" and my T thought for a moment and then replied, "I think you're right." That's the first time I realized that I was the one "in charge" and had to lead the way, my therapist was just "with" me. Her job was to try to stay on the same page I was on (not easy :-) and help me understand whatever page that was.