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eskielover said:
I wanted someone I could share life with the things I enjoy, the good times, the bad.....but the key word is share & partnership. For me, without that, there is no marriage & I can't be emotionally available when I feel that way about the marriage.....because in my mind a marriage has to be both or it is nothing.

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Very powerful. I agree. ((((eskielover))))

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Rhapsody said:
I believe this to be due to the fact that we (humans) will continue to pick partners that are the same way until we have personally healed and grown past our own wounded issues / past...... this is what the book and site I mentioned in my first post is all about, good reading.

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I agree. My therapist has said the same--I keep playing out the same relationship from my childhood in an effort to finally do it right. Somehow that makes it seem not so awful to me, that I have chosen this mess of a marriage, like it is some inner attempt to finally conquer my past. I am working on that. I know for sure that this is going to be the last time I am ever with someone like my husband again. Uh, uh, not doing that again. No way. I am growing because of this experience (the 20 year marriage and ending it), and I am growing beyond the need to reenact this. The curtain is going down on this performance.

Rhapsody, I looked at your first post and don't see a link or book mentioned. Can you post it again? Sounds like it might be really helpful.

(((hugs))) for all who need them.