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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
TBH I'm not sure what your issue is with that it's not a personal attack or saying that you are full of it, it's at the statement that I was referring to. My implication is that you have been mislead not calling you yourself out on anything. I'm here telling you that what your impressions of women and society is not accurate. not sure why you've picked out the one word and/or line out of a whole larger post in that I've said quite a few other things. I'll be honest, it seems to me that you're zeroing in on something and haven't really heard much of what I actually said because of it. But to each his own.
In summary let me say what I mean more to the point. Shift your thinking from believing in stereotypes related to roles in society as if they are rigid and accept who and what you are not as someone strange or eccentric in comparison to what you believe is the norm. You are perfectly normal being shy and introverted and it is not a reflection as weak or bad. My point is that you do NOT have to think your role as a mate for a woman is to be her protector, savior and all the other clichés that the world makes but find a woman that wants what and who you are right now. Trying to become or be something that you're not will only come off as someone playing a persona and it will never work. Trust me I understand your situation far better than you think but I also know there are plenty of women that would appreciate a guy like you. They likely are not as easy to find is all.
Anyway take my words for what they are worth to you.. If you get nothing from my post. leave it. Just trying to help.
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Actually, I appreciate any input, but you emphasized a lot about some "assumptions" and went over them one-by-one, which isn't the topic of interest, in the sense that, even if my "assumptions" were wrong, and you corrected me, it won't help me. When I'm approaching a woman, I won't think about anything but to talk to her. I don't think about why. That's it. But it was a misunderstanding, I think, as I didn't mean to say men and women are viewed as someone who protects and another who needs protection. I'm not going to tell women that I'm your protector. It's absurd. You don't know me, but I'm the first person to defend women to be independent in each opportunity I have. Some people try to keep women not empowered to keep them under their mercy. Not me. Even if I'm not close to women in general, but I have sisters.
Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
Well in every situation where this happened, it was at times when I was most active, confident in myself. Even in those times I am not one to be outgoing, but when I say active I wasn't so much hiding from the public so much, I was out and about and meeting people in a passive way. I mean going and doing activities and being just around people more than at other times. I feel very strongly that my expression of self in these times were what made women approach me, sometimes when I least expected it. I wasn't doing anything in particular with regards to women except caring for myself, enjoying my life and being content with where I was. It seems like simple thing to say but one of the most difficult things to pull off since most (at least a lot of us on this site) struggle with being content with ourselves and our lives where we are. But I think more so than the extrovert this is key for attracting females whether we get ourselves to approach them or not. For the introvert, we're not so outward speaking and vocal so being able to exude the confidence without those vehicles to do so is much harder but is possible.
think of this scenario as I try to illustrate. first imagine what many would call a "wallflower" being all shy and hiding in the corners almost seemingly afraid of the crowd. That is one type of shy person that lacks confidence and is unsure of her/himself. Then think of the quiet but solid presence in the room. The one that is not engaging everyone but is able to gain attention where people look and are curious about him/her. These are polar opposites but both introverts. One shows confidence the other does not where both are not the outgoing type.
I dunno if any of this makes sense but it's an attempt at an illustration of what I'm trying to explain. Hope it helps.
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Thanks. Your post makes sense, except it seems that you mix shyness and introversion with social anxiety. Being confident in public without talking is introversion. I'm the type of person who if goes out, I can't hide my anxiety. I just cannot. At best I'll look weird. When I walk, it's apparent that I'm anxious and self-aware, which makes me more anxious and ashamed at the same time. But, again, I don't have another choice. Will I ever overcome it? I don't know.
I'm interested though what activities in particular you were doing, and how you were behaving exactly? Like looking at people? making eye contacts? These details are helpful for me, I think.
Also, what do you mean by "be content with yourself"? I'm content with myself when I'm alone. I'm content with myself when I'm biking alone, I'm content with myself when reading a book in a coffee shop or in the park alone. When going out and be around crowds and people, I'm pushing out of my comfort zone, which makes me extremely uncomfortable, and definitely not having the best time with myself. In other words, I won't be content. So, I'm not sure how being content with myself will make my social life easier. I've been like this for many many years. I'm not complaining, just saying that what you're saying doesn't fit my situation.