Usually when I post on here it's me complaining about one of many issues or asking questions. Well I have some good news for once! So I'm going to share it with my friends!

As I often bring up here, I didn't grow up with much support at all. My MI was all in my head and "those drugs are just screwing me up!" Me myself and I was all I had after my DX and for a long time after. And as I often b*tc+ about, I lost another job from my MI a few wks ago and my house is on the line. I have a family now (two step sons) and my bf is working like a dog but it's not enough. So we are just a teeny bit stressed and I'm not doing good. I'm up,down, right and left! And I decided it's past due, I'm applying for SSD.

So I called my dad (actually to blame him of something bad lol) who I've been avoiding like the plague. And as I figured, he started right off asking what I'm going to do about work? How am I going to keep from losing my house? How am I going to SAVE THE WORLD?!?!?!?! Can you see a little bit how I've been avoiding telling him about SSD? Well I started by cutting him right off! I was holding back tears out of fear. I laid it all out. I said "don't you remember all the doctors you took me to when I was a kid that all told you I was sick? That I had severe depression had BP?! Where were you?!" He calmly said "yes I remember". I explained that it's only gotten worst throughout the years and currently not doing good and those doctors agree that I need to be on SSD. And some guardian angel came and slapped him into reality and he agreed!!!!! With understanding!!! He says "Well after all these jobs and trying over and over I think if it's what you need and you're sick then do it". I wanted to reach through the phone and hug him and say "where was THIS you all these years?" Then he asked "well then why did you sign up to hair school all those years ago?" I laughed and said "dad that was a decision I made when I was manic and hadn't slept for 4 days, don't you remember they put me on seroquel and I was falling asleep during the application process?" He remembered. I explained how that last year after barely drinking one beer and was eating rocks out of a set of decor, I wasn't high on drugs, it's called psychosis and it happened the day I got fired from the last place. I remember them firing me, I had a panic attack, I was blacked out having psychosis and my family was scared to death. And the first thing they thought was drugs. Well it wasn't. And He listened. He actually listened. I'm crying NOW out of relief! I told him a lot more with no rude interupting or telling me "that's all bull!" After 12 yrs I finally got him to really hear me! I got to explain myself. He had questions. And he listened. And he wants to come by tomorrow and talk to my bf and I about what we're going to do to save my house while I go through the SSD process. He even said if he has to help then I can pay him back when/if I get approved. Which my lawyer has good hopes that I will. And if I don't get approved?! Well then I'll have to get a job to pay him back. I'll probably need three jobs because I'll just have panic attacks and get let go over again. No matter what I will make it right. I always pay back my debts.

I know I still have a lot to go through and a lot on my plate. But you guys don't know how big this is for me. This was a man that never took my MI seriously. Never wanted to hear my "excuses" for failing or being sick. I've been scared of this man my whole life. He is the first person I gave up on after my diagnosis and the last person I thought would accept it and help me out along the way. I'm crying happy tears. Tears of relief. I texted him saying thank you and told him how much I needed to say that.

Aww shucks I love you guys. Thank you guys for everything. Every "thank you" every reply, every word of encouragement. I owe this to my family here! (((Happy tears and bear hugs))) I couldn't of done this without the support from somewhere!

Edit: and the times I may have not sugarcoated things and the times I went off on people for bringing up things I wasn't comfortable with. Thank you too! You may of pissed me off at the time but at least I had someone to keep me grounded and remind me of where I'm at in life and what I still need to fix. Thank you a-holes too [emoji12]. And I do say that with love.

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