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Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor
Hello.
you mention anger being righteous and that righteous anger is ok. I wonder if you were brought up not to express any anger. In my own aprents house neither of my parents wanted to ehar anything that insinuated in any way that life in that house and they as aprents were anything but perfect. Even when someone hurt me outright I was expected to just take it. The environment was so emotionally neglectful and artifical. My parents drank and mentioning that was completely off the table. I was being abused sexually and that could not be addressed. If I got angry or expresed hurt when soemthing terrible was done to me then I was called bad or even crazy. This was a truly artifical environment and as I result very early on learned to shut up and give them what they wanted. Unfortunately this wasnt that great for me as a kid growing up. There was so much I couldnt understand, so much pain and punishment when I was so young and for nothing I could see.
I wanted to ask you if you ahve any of these expereinces in your background? It really blows me away that so many people who expereince mental illness were abused as children. I wonder what would happen if the parents were treated for their issues --if then the kids wouldnt always be the ones paying the price as it seems to be now. How can kids reacting to abuse be the sick one? IT always seemed to me that parents who abuse or allow others to abuse and exploit their children are the sick ones--but too often no one steps in to do a thing about this.
These are just my thoughts, but what you say -like the words of so many others who were hurt as little kids---truly makes me wonder..
Take care.
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Yes. You are absolutely right. I was brought up to not show anger. That included cutting my eyes the wrong way, proper tone in my voice, looking defiant, etc. it was truly safer to show as little emotion as possible.
My father was an alcoholic and passed away 5 years ago. My mom is a Southern Baptist steeped in religion. No offense to her, that is how she was raised and how she has always been. Growing up, if the church doors were open we were there.... Mom, my brother and I. My dad did not go to church. At church we were a perfect family, minus dad. Nobody knew about the huge pink elephant that sat in the middle of our living room. Ya know, the pink elephant that is there, everybody walks around it and goes about their business like they don't see it, but it's there. Big. Pink. And. Smelly!!! I sure could see it!
I am a Christian. What I grew up in could have pushed me the other direction but God has been with me my whole life. He is opening my eyes to see him in a different way.
I do agree with your thoughts on parents getting treatment for their issues, and people stepping in to help children stuck in those situations. I often think back and wonder if all those people at the church I went to, knew about the elephant in our living room.
Righteous anger. Yes, anger has always frightened me and I've done my best to avoid it at all costs. I'm in the process of trying to understand that there is a corrective type of anger that does not frighten, harm, degrade or verbally abuse. An anger that is justified and is an anger that corrects either behavior or expresses emotion for injustice. I believe there is freedom there somewhere.
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