now you all know why i've been divorced for the past 17 years!!! living with someone who isn't emotionally available (and lives in a bubble of his own making) nearly killed me. literally. my BP was high, i was around 98 lbs and a complete emotional wreck. i left him with no self-esteem, no confidence and thoughts of suicide.

he married someone the age of his oldest son and called me about a year later to ask if i would be his confidant!!!!! like hell, i would. actually, what i said was way worse than that and i hung up on him.

people who withdraw, usually have done it early on in life, and we bear the brunt of it when they marry. i've now had two opportunities to marry really fine men and i won't do it. i loved Bill but he wanted me to make changes (moving to WV) that i wasn't comfortable with. Andre has carried a ring around for 20 years and i keep it for awhile and then it goes back to Canada. i am not able to unlock the baggage yet that i have accumulated all of these years alone. i cannot trust a man yet.

i really feel for you all. it doesn't get better, at least my situation didn't. it just chipped away at me until i was like a cardboard woman.....now that i am alone, i am very lonely but can't get over the hurdle of thinking that i may be hurt once again. so, i'm just trying to build a life for myself and slowly move forward .

i'm still dating Andre. he says he's waited since 1986, what's a few more years.......