That was quite a journey, you do well to share so much. I hope the simple act of writing gave you some clarity.

I cannot say much, my double vision is terrible.

It is clear you value your ability to be kind - and that comes across in all your Posts to others. Do not judge yourself so harshly, see yourself how others now see you.

I believe there is someone for everyone and the odds of meeting that person are good. She is out there, waiting for you now.

What you have lived through, what you have inflicted upon yourself all adds up to the person you are now, stuck with issues not of your making. I believe you would benefit from quality Therapy, maybe meds again - I would leave that to the experts. How you go about accessing treatment over there is beyond me. Hopefully someone with firsthand knowledge will pipe up.

Dave.