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I don't want to wreck her dreams by stringing this out in counselling and resolving that it's irresolvable.

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Couples counseling on a specific issue needn't take a long time. You can be goal directed. Even a couple of months of meeting the counselor one time per week might really help clarify things for the both of you. Spending a couple of months working on this very important issue is well worth it, so don't begrudge the time for counseling. Good luck.